The Colonel T Show

The Scenario: As you watch this video, imagine yourself in the role of “The Mc C.” Imagine that his life is your life, and that you have no escape from it. You will be The McC for the rest of time.

The Challenge: How long can you last before your first thought of suicide?

I made it one minute, thirty-seven seconds. Good luck!

Legendary screen actor, Academy Award Winner, and extraordinary tough-guy Jack Palance died today at his home in Montecito, California of natural causes. He was 87.

Jack Palance was a hero of mine. He’s probably best known these days for doing one-armed push-ups at the Academy Awards, but I’ve long admired his work in movies like Shane, City Slickers, Batman, and others. I remember watching him every Sunday night on television’s Ripley’s Believe It or Not, ending each segment with his chilling and iconic “Believe it…or not.”

Most of all, he was just so darned…leathery. I’m struggling to think of a tougher, grittier, manlier guy than Jack Palance. He will be sorely missed.

Tonight, I’d like to pay tribute to Jack by performing one of his lesser known roles. It’s one of the first parts I saw him play, and it’s still one of my favorites. In 1979, Jack guest-starred in a classic “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” two-parter called “Planet of the Slave Girls.” He played the evil Sorcerer Kaleel, a slave trader and warlord who amasses a fleet to annhilate the Earth Defense Force.

Why is Kaleel so angry? Well, it seems that in his early 20’s, Kaleel was severely burned in a fire. Despite having no visible scarring or any lasting physical damage whatsoever, Kaleel has carried this resentment into his sixties, and he’s always threating to burn all his enemies to ashes. (Apparently there’s no therapy in the 25th century.) Palance chews up all the scenery and plays a fantastic, fanatical villain. Of course.

Since I couldn’t find a clip from the episode to show you, I thought I’d perform a dramatic interpretation of Jack Palance as Kaleel, threatening the life of the captured Buck Rogers. And since I’m feeling particularly industrious tonight, I’ve added a visual component to the performance.

With that, I present the very first Colonel T Show YouTube Presentation, entitled “Au Revoir, Jack.”

As you wait (and wait, and wait) for my final two pre-babies podcasts, here are a couple of VIDEO files to tide you over.

The first video is my appearance (along with with fellow Inner Circle member Jon Young) on a Cleveland cable access talk show from 2002. We were promoting our now-cancelled epic television series “Browns Simulated Season”. If that makes no sense to you, just watch the video. It’s all quite self-explanatory, and it’s a great opportunity to see me before I put on all the pregnancy weight. Oh, and my beard makes a stunning cameo.

The second video is making its world premiere right here. Consider yourself honored! Last summer, before I had to return my uber-hardware to my former employer, I captured to digital video all four of my celebrated early nineties action films: the Renegades saga. My intention was to re-edit the films into a director’s cut. Alas, I was only able to put together a trailer for the DVD collection (orignally scheduled for a Christmas ‘05 release, but, um, that didn’t happen.) Still, the trailer features the most interesting parts of the films, so prepare yourself for a rich and spiritual journey.

Right-click and save-as to download each Windows Media Player file to your PC. You won’t regret it!

Tim and Jon on Up Late (34.8 MB, Windows Media Format, 9m36s)
Renegades Anthology Preview (22.6 MB, Windows Media Format, 1m49s)