Not that a long delay between posts would be irregular for me, but there’s likely going to be a long delay before my next new post. I’ve quit my real-life job, and they owned all my computers. Until I purchase, assemble, or steal a new one, my Internet access will be pretty sporadic. I hope to be out-of-touch no more than a couple weeks.
Besides, to go that long without access to Oprah.com would be unbearable.
…you will never guess what Moises and I are singing, and in what language. I’d wager real money that Moises doesn’t even know. Heck, I don’t even have any recollection of shooting it. I was doing some video archiving tonight, and just happened upon it. I thought I’d post a screencap and let you take a crack at it. One hint: the performance took place very, very, VERY near the end of 1991. Post your guesses in the comments section. (If you read this paragraph very carefully, and you know me at all, you might be able to figure it out.)
Some links of interest…
My appearance on last week’s A Shanty No Lemon, discussing Batman Begins and War of the Worlds (link is to the MP3 podcast file itself):
There are any number of people blogging the World Series of Poker main event, but Steve Rosenbloom of ESPN.com has the best one (at least, he seems to have access to the most big-name players:
Good advice for burgeoning grown-ups; I can think of a few people in particular who would benefit from this:
A choral performance of your favorite 8-bit hits:
It was all about getting Elizabeth to the Asian women before 6PM.
In order to accomplish this, I proposed a five-point plan to fill out our Sunday. There were tasks to be completed. Geography to cover. Pancakes to consume. I got up early and put together a Microsoft Project presentation — nothing fancy, I only spent about three hours on it. When Elizabeth woke up, I brought her into my office and made the presentation. Though she left two minutes into it, I could tell she was sold.
I put on my “casual” toupee, and off we went. Here’s how the five-point plan went down:
1) Gasoline. In the western suburbs of Chicago, gasoline costs $2.38 a gallon, and that was at Meijer — grocery store gas is always cheaper because it’s 10% expired milk. The Saab holds 17.1 gallons, making our gas bill $40.70. It’s a good thing I don’t drive my Mustang anywhere, other than Ohio, where my company picks up the tab.
2) Hey, if Point One impressed you, just wait until Prong Two: Breakfast! We went out for pancakes and Hawaiian omelets and coffee. Nothing particularly interesting happened, but we left with full bellies and a pair of red and white swirlie mints.
3) Point Three required us to burn through some of that gasoline we bought back in Point One. You may remember reading about it. We drove 30 minutes to that blue/yellow Mecca of Scandinavian modern style furniture and accessories, IKEA! We were just returning a couple picture frames, and we were on a tight schedule so we didn’t go shopping, but don’t you just love how everything at IKEA has a name? We’ve got about 5 pieces in our house, and I insist, for the rest of time, on referring to them by their IKEA names. For example, just this morning I pulled a shirt out of “Leksvik”. As I closed the drawer, I said “Thank you, Leksvik, maybe later I’ll get some shorts! Either way, I’ll let you know, sweet, sweet Leksvik. If only you had a mouth so I could kiss you on the lips.”
4) After IKEA, it was 1:30, and we were well ahead of schedule. That morning prep was paying off! Point Four, ironically, was our viewing of Fantastic Four. My review will come in a later post, so for now let me say this: I really enjoyed it, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to be able to write that.
5) We got out of the theater at 4:30, and after a 30 minute drive to our final destination (AKA Point Five) we were able to get Elizabeth to the Asian women with an hour to spare. The Asian women were, actually, employees at a nail salon, where Elizabeth enjoyed a manicure and a peticure. I wandered over to Barnes and Noble to read ten pages of Rama II to make sure I really didn’t want to read it (and yes, based on those ten pages I made the right call).
The five point plan finished up at 6:00PM — ahead of schedule. We drove home, fired up some colortinis, and watched the pictures as they flew through the air. (Oh, I also won a 27-player Texas Hold ‘em Sit and Go tonight — I won 99,000 fake dollars. Good morale booster.)
So, what’s the lesson to be learned here? Isn’t it obvious? Every day for the rest of your life, wake up three hours early and plan your activities with a thorough Microsoft Project presentation. I think you’ll find it just as satisfying I as do!
My cell phone rang at 6:53AM Central Standard Time. It was The Man, asking me to participate in three conference calls over the next four hours. I obliged, of course, because that’s the kind of man I am. Dedicated. Honorable. Vigilant. If only I hadn’t gone to bed at 3:00AM Central Standard Time, I might have written clear and legible notes. According to one, I’ve adopted a 32-year-old Lebanese transvestite named Jake, and he (she?) will be arriving in the morning.
During one of the calls, I received an email that Roger Ebert’s Fantastic Four review was online, which led to the post immediately below this one. At that point, I hadn’t yet heard about the London bombings, so I assure you, my priorities are straight — the FF movie is not the current event I’m most transfixed on today. Thoughts and condolences to my London readers, the total of which comes to one person, who is happily safe and sound.
I filled out my day with:
- Aimless outdoor meandering.
- Catch-up napping.
- The completion of Arthur C. Clarke’s Rendezvous with Rama, a hard science fiction classic I wholeheartedly recommend without reservation. (That it won the Hugo, Nebula, Campbell, and Jupiter awards, among others, is impressive, sure, but now that it’s got MY recommendation you’ll surely rush out for it.) Unfortunately, its sequels are reputed to suck, hard, and I have no intention of reading them. Clarke co-wrote them with Gentry Lee, whom I’m sure is a lovely man, but I don’t care for books with more than one author. Dilutes the talent, I think.
- Finally, just before writing this entry, I placed sixth in a Texas Hold ‘em tournament, raking in $3.00 on my $1.20 investment. But, as you can tell from my “Poker Odyssey” update to the right, the seed money is dwindling. Fast. I’m not catching cards at all. Maybe my luck has turned.
OH! I nearly forgot! My company is paying out bonuses tomorrow! Drinks on me, if you come to Chicago. If you choose to stay with us you’ll have to share a room with Jake, though. Hopefully you don’t creep out easily.
I bet you thought I wasn’t going to post for another six months, eh cowboy? WRONG! Now unbutton your pants, relax, and enjoy these quick takes from my weekend:
- The country was on fire. Cleveland reached a high of 140 degrees. Unfortunately for me, my in-laws aren’t “into” central air, so we had no choice but to sleep with the windows open. So of course, my allergies picked this weekend to kick in. My first motions each morning were accompanied by the sounds of dried up sweat and mucus crackling and flaking. Mmmm! How about some breakfast?
- My old friend Jon turned 31 on Saturday, and we celebrated by smoking some crack and beating up drifters. Actually we saw War of the Worlds (more on that in a minute) and met my other old friend, Moises, also 31, for drinks afterward. I drank some sort of citrus-y beer that was good enough to have three.
- I mentioned Jon and Moises and their ages because I’m not 31 for another two weeks. HA! Feel the buuuuuuuuuurn!
- On Sunday we caught Batman Begins (more on that in a minute too), again with Moises, and then my parents drove in from Pittsburgh for a big cookout at my in-laws. My parents and Elizabeth’s parents get along just fine (is that actually uncommon? Dunno.) and we had a delightful time, even if the conversation constantly drifted back to our careers and housing situation (which certainly suck, in both cases).
- We drove back on Monday. Elizabeth even let me drive the part of the way, which is absolutely unheard of — she generally must drive anywhere. I’m not sure what got into her.
Onto the two movies. Theaters ahoy! First, Batman Begins. Loved it. Actually, I REALLY loved it. EC did too. As a guy who despised the four original Batman films, this was such a pleasant surprise I can’t even tell you. Remember, we wandered onto the set last year after a baseball game — Gotham City is a moderately CGI’d Chicago. At the time, we saw about 30 police cars in front of the Merchandise Mart, but we had no idea what we were seeing. Now we know! It was the “Escape from Arkham Asylum” sequence. Anyway, just about everything in the movie works — the story, the acting, the action, all as good as Spidey 2, but in a totally different way.
As for War of the Worlds, it’s my second favorite movie featuring the narration of Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins digging a hole. (That, by the way, is a hilarious joke.) The film itself was disappointingly MEH. So MEH, in fact, that I’m going to take the lazy way out by just linking to Roger Ebert’s review, and Moriarty’s review, which combined neatly sum up my opinion. I can’t be bothered to write more.
(However, if you are desperate to hear more, I spoke about both films on tonight’s A Shanty No Lemon; I’ll post a show link when it’s available online.)
Friday brings Fantastic Four. Anticipate a Thing-sized rant on that one. I expect nothing of quality.
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