The Colonel T Show

Last night, Elizabeth and I were feeding Molly and Madeline for their fifth and final meal of the day. As they usually do, they fell asleep in our arms. I looked at both of them, then I looked at Elizabeth, and I said “You know, in 18 years, we’ll be willing to give our pinky fingers to get this moment back.” So we just let them sleep there for a while.

180 days ago, a crack team of surgeons and one creepy anesthesiologist extracted Madeline Rose and Molly Marie from my wife. Tonight, I offer a month-by-month photographic retrospective.

Molly

Day One: March 28, 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

Six Months Old: September 28, 2006

Madeline

Day One: March 28, 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

Six Months Old: September 28, 2006

Twins

Day One: March 28, 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

September 2006, again

Six Months Old: September 28th, 2006

I called in sick yesterday. I was crippled by the deadly ninja trio of Sinus Headache, Sore Throat, and Nasal Congestion. Elizabeth was kind enough to solo the kids in the morning, and my Mom took them in the afternoon. Big props to both — as always, they are invaluable. Through their sacrifices I was able to sleep until noon, a luxury I haven’t known in what seems like eons. I also managed to finish Wizard’s First Rule, an 800-page behemoth that I’ve been slogging through for weeks. Great book, about 200 pages too long, but still great with some interesting life lessons to be learned. And what is the Wizard’s First Rule? It’s something I think we all can relate to: People Are Stupid.

Also sick was Madeline, who had some sort of perpetual gunk generating action happening in her right eye. It’s not pink eye, just some sort of cold that resides only in her eye. I remember getting pink eye as a kid, though…I always wondered what a fully crusted eye looked like from the outside. When I woke Maddy this morning though, she had a minimum of gunk. And thanks to some eye drops left over from her first days on Earth, by the time we put her to bed tonight the gunk machine had shut down.

Tomorrow, Molly and Maddy turn six months old. I’ll have a month-by-month photographic retrospective for each child, and some deep thoughts on this significant milestone.

Hey, I didn’t put a single joke in this post! Blame the ninjas.

Peyton Manning is the star of 40% of all commercials airing on television today.

How’s that for content?

Here’s what people are saying about my new haircut. These are actual comments made to me in the last 36 hours.

“Um, isn’t the back a little long?”

“Did she cut anything? It doesn’t look like she cut anything.”

“Did you pay money for that haircut? Actual American currency?”

“Don’t touch it; you’ll only make it worse.”

“I’m afraid of your hair. It’s actually frightening me.”

“That’s a…oh boy. That’s a shame.”

“They sell baseball caps at the Foot Locker down the street. It’s like five minutes away. I’ll drive.”

“Want a drink? Blur the vision…kill the memories?”

“Please leave. Just…just go.”

I’m 32 years old. At what age should I have learned how to articulate how I want my hair cut? Age 14? 15? Because I’m still waiting to develop that particular talent. “Make it awesome” is apparently not enough detail.

After five months away from the salon, I have an appointment to get my hair cut at 2:45 PM CST tomorrow.

My preferred stylist, Lauren, is on maternity leave, so I’m very nervous. On top of that, I’m going to be asking for a style I’ve never tried before. My hair is wicked long right now, so whomever ends up with me in her chair will have quite a bit to work with — no excuses! If it looks good, I’ll post a picture. If it looks bad, plan on another colossal rant, much like this one.

Stay tuned.

Wow, there’s a lot I don’t understand about Movable Type. For about 30 minutes tonight, this website was completely trashed.

As promised in my earlier post, tonight I decided to revert to one of the default Movable Type themes. Apparently, themes and templates are two different beasts entirely. The software provides a handy “Change Theme” button, but there’s no such magic button for restoring the default templates. After over 20 minutes of hardcore research, I finally figured it out, and, well, here we are.

And you know what? I miss the old layout already. Live and learn, I guess. Tomorrow, we’ll get the logo back, and some of the sidebar graphics, and it’ll start feeling like home again.

While you wait, here’s another Madeline / Molly shot:

Every night is Concert Night at the Colonel’s house. Last night we had a kickin’ Daddy Dance Party, during which I sang the following songs to my daughters (artist credit included):

The Love Boat – Jack Jones
I Love You - Barney the Dinosaur
Doctor Worm – They Might Be Giants
Too Much – Dave Matthews Band
Juggle Masters! – Tim Spaeth
Do You Like My Hairpiece? – Tim Spaeth
Do You Like My Hairpiece? (Disco Remix) – Tim Spaeth
Le ABC’s en Francais - Le Tim Spaeth
Tequila Makes Me Smile – Tim Spaeth
Molly Burrito (The Official Molly Theme Song) – Elizabeth Spaeth
Madeline Burrito (The Official Madeline Theme Song) - Elizabeth Spaeth
(Don’t Need No) Marinara (The Noodle Song) – Tim Spaeth
The Touch - Stan Bush

Molly and Madeline aren’t just entertained by these songs — they are mesmerized! Entranced! They are true Colonel T Mega-Fans! Mega-Fans who haven’t quite figured out how to crawl away! Immobile Mega-Fans! It’s a dream come true!

It’s also rather exhausting.

I expend so much creative energy on Molly and Madeline that I feel like I’ve left you, my longtime readers and listeners, behind. I won’t say I’m sorry, because parenting must take precedence over everything else, but I deeply regret the lack of regular content. (Thanks to Pope Benedict XVI for that phrasing.) Coupled with my decade-long inner battle over What On Earth I Want This Website To Be, well, I haven’t exactly given anyone reason to get excited over yet another relaunch.

Nevertheless, I’m re-re-re-re-re-relaunching ColonelT.com. Here’s what’s going to happen over the next few weeks:

A New Visual Theme. I’m “un-sexying” the look of the site and installing a default MovableType theme. Bells and whistles to come, if I become inspired. I’m not at all unhappy with the current look (and thanks again to the great folks at the now-defunct BlogWash for their superb efforts) but I need visual freshness to complement my mental reboot. Trust me. I work best this way.

The Podcast is Dead. Listen to any of the shows for five minutes and you won’t struggle with this for long. My guests were all splendid, but I just plain sucked. If I do bring it back, I need a permanent co-host to riff off of, preferably a woman who giggles at everything I say.

Babies Ahoy. More Molly and Madeline pictures are coming. I have about 800 of them to post. As they approach their six month birthday, I’m sure you’d all like to see a month-by-month retrospective.

Comments. You guys have been great about posting comments, and I really appreciate it. My BlackBerry now dings when someone comments, so I should be a more responsive host. Let’s get some discussions going, just like the old days. BOUTMAN!!!!

Movie Meter. I swear to God, I’ve been keeping up with it. Now it’s just a matter of finding the right format for it. I want something sortable and searchable, given we’re approaching 200 metered movies. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

So that’s where we’re at. Make sure you’re signed up for the RSS feed and have my content downloaded straight to your reader. It’s perfectly wholesome!

Before we go, here’s one more M&M picture for the road. Cheers gang, and thanks for reading.